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Old 01-05-2013, 04:02 AM
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UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
If this is a general tendency of hers and you know it already? It comes back to you on accepting.

* You could ACCEPT that you won't get responsiveness here in a romantic thing with her. And you learn to be ok with that and be prepared to deal in this sort of thing often then in polyship.
* Or you could ACCEPT that you are not cool with that, and let the desire to have a romantic thing with her GO.
Fair enough. I've said already, that what surprised me was that this minor thing became a huge issue for her in a non-crushy part of our relationship.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
This part I do not understand:
"I don't fear a no, I just don't want to be the one that puts it in the ground."

How are you the one to put it in the ground?
People are compatible romantic partners or they not compatible romantic partners.
Hmm. I feel that if I'm the one to say no, I'll be regretful and always wonder if I did the right thing. This will bother me, long term, and more than this current confusion and frustration are bothering me at present. I'd wonder if I just didn't give enough space, or didn't stick around long enough. Right now it is my prefernce that she choose whether this takes off (now or in a few months).

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
That's why it is called DATING. The search for the compatible people.
That is, indeed, what dating is. I am not searching for compatible people. I am interested in how this plays out with her...no more or less.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
That baffles me a bit too. You don't need her permission to tend to your own needs if this turns out to not be a runner for whatever reason regardless of who pulls the plug on it. Yes, it won't be fun to feel like "party time whee!" But you can handle it and you will be ok.
I am not generally a person who takes my discomforts, and deems them overriding needs. If I do need to put this to rest for my own sanity, at some point, I will.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
It makes me nuts too. That's why it's a point in my playbook (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/member.php?u=49794). I want the right to responsiveness in romantic relationships. Don't plan to give me that right? Don't date me then. Keep it as casual friends.
As I do not date, I do not have a playbook. This learning-as-you-go thing is hard, and no doubt contributing to some of the stress.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
She's writing a response to you right? Could wait til her written response, digest. Then if the letter is basically still more fence sitting or soft no-ing, could decide to cut it loose in favor of yourself -- and your long term well being.
She is, and I will do what I can with whatever she writes.
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29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
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