Just before Christmas, Ella came to visit relatives in our new city. I had suggested an afternoon picnic catch up with Grotto and myself, make sangria and see where the night leads. Was too hot to head out in the end, so the three of us stayed at my place drinking and chatting. At one point, Ella and I were by ourselves outside, and she checked in with me to clarify how I was feeling re: sex with her, and whether I'd be comfortable with Grotto joining in. I said I was feeling cool about either (true at the time).
We snuggled a bit and then returned inside (Grotto hates the heat and was bathing in the air conditioning). I went to get something in the kitchen, and while I was there, Grotto and Ella started making out. It was nice to hear, and I stayed in the kitchen for a bit, just listening to them. After a while, they called out for me and I said I was okay, and would join them at some point.
In a bit, though, my emotions turned. I realised I didn't really know what was going on between Grotto and Ella... They ended their relationship fairly amicably but still I know there were some rough emotions. Last time we were in the same place, for example, Ella just wanted to be with me, not Grotto as well (they were recently broken up then). I felt like giving them space to reconnect, and... I dunno. Get out of their way.
This mood made me want to go outside to the garden. They have noisy sex so that wasn't far enough
I went for a walk and accidentally locked myself out. Eventually I needed their help to get back into the house. At that point, they both were worried as to how I was feeling. I said I didn't feel drawn to join in, and that maybe it would be more fun if the two of them headed back to Grotto's place.
Ella laid down her preferences, which were (1) hang out with me and Grotto, (2) hang out just with me, or (3) go back to Grotto's place without me. Pretty much she didn't mind what we did but she wanted to spend time with me. Wow, ok. I said, we should hang out, maybe go out and do something. Grotto took a nap, while Ella and I checked online for any free things of interest happening in the city. There didn't seem to be much, but as we parried back and forth we ended up weaseling our bodies around each other and... yeah.
Fast forward eight hours later, Grotto's asleep again, Ella's snoozing in his arms, I'm making a late night dinner. Everyone's still naked of course
The heat, the heat. Wake Grotto up, we all eat, then I walk Ella back to where she's staying (a 45 min walk each way). At 2amish it's really pleasant. We get a chance to talk, and I realise that she gets me! She gets that I want to just get to know her better, and that I'd sometimes rather hang out and talk rather than have sex. This had been a block for us before, and had been hard for her to understand but she doesn't just hear me... she really feels it. It was a deep relief. I love her. (Oh, and this time, while fucking she and I did something that was a first for me, a very intense experience... I was glad that it was her, and I said so.)
We didn't talk about labels (girlfriend/not)... I'm shitty at those. She did say that she didn't want to be in a romantic relationship with Grotto anymore. And how we were talking implied that she did want one with me. That's enough clarity for me.
Another day, another story. Made a threesome faux-pas with Grotto and Ocean but we just rolled with it - yay! I was in the mood to hang out with three of us, so invited Grotto around to spend the day... Didn't get around to telling Ocean my idea or plans til the morning itself. He was fine with it, though. It wouldn't have been a big problem if not, but Ocean may have felt like leaving the house if he wasn't into spending time with Grotto & me).
We watched some tv shows we'd been getting into recently, ordered pizza, had a few drinks. I was getting pretty cosy, and as frequently happens, Grotto was okay with that developing into something physical between the three of us, whereas Ocean was more reticent. Instead of fretting about it, I just went with the flow which seemed to work ok. It meant Ocean probably had to make more of an effort to put up boundaries himself, rather than me picking up on his vibes to guess what he was feeling and modulating myself to that. I like that our triad dyamics seem mature enough that we can be more relaxed and things won't break.
We've got a small apartment, but there's a sofa bed that can sleep two and Grotto crashed there. I ended up slipping from one bed to the other. In the morning I asked Ocean if Grotto could come into bed with the two of us for a cuddle. He said okay, and I passed that on to Grotto. A bit later, Grotto came in and was the big spoon, with me in the middle and Ocean on the inside. Before long, things got a bit cheeky between Grotto and me, and Ocean got out of bed and left the room. I apologised immediately but didn't get much of a response. Ah, whoops... that's when I realised Ocean wanted more sleep. He's grumpy in the morning if he is woken up before he's ready.
Later, when Ocean wasn't grumpy from the rude awakening, I had a proper conversation. Grotto had said he wasn't sure what the boundaries were, and he was just going with it. I had felt much the same way. I promised Ocean that if there's ever a next time, we'd make sure to be clear on what was or was not on the cards. "Cuddling in bed" is a bit too broad
After getting agreement on that, there was no further issue. I'm so so happy to be at this point.
Meanwhile, Grotto visited our home town for Christmas/New Year and just got back late last night. I spent the night and morning with him, and about an hour after I left his place, Bijou (his new flame) was due around
Bijou, Ocean, myself and a couple of other friends (Patch & Ayla) pitched in to organise to get Grotto a combined Christmas present, something he really needed. It was there as a surprise for when he got back. He was really impressed by the sneaky organisation
Hehe. I love our loving.
A few more stories I want to share, but Ocean & I gotta get ready to go to a friend's wedding! It's a bit of an informal job interview for him as there will be a few people there who are on a panel to interview him for a job next month. Best get tidied up! Happy 2013 everyone