OK, in plain language, you cheated on your wife and are having an affair with another woman, and are continuing to (even if there isn't a sexual component) - I think that most people would regard secret meetings and declarations of love to be cheating, whether there is sex there or not.
The big question, I guess, is whether you feel that this is sustainable - and I don't just mean the ability to keep it a secret from your wife, but also your feelings about yourself, knowing that you are doing this.
If you can and want to live with yourself continuing the cheating, then so be it.
If it's something that you can't live with, or choose not to, then I think that you really have some very hard decisions to make.
Either way seems to be very difficult, and I wish you luck.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
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