A) you should address your unmet needs and how to get them met-without her being in the discussion. Each party needs to have their needs met-and deserves to-but it should be the sole focus of a discussion-not related to other partners.
B) you should identify what it is that makes you feel as though its unfair for him to do whatever he wants to do with the nights he's not with you anyway=that seems very... controlling.
C) you should work on accepting that whilst your relationship with him needs to be given the respect of its existence and needs; theirs also needs to be given the respect of its existence and needs. He and she need to identify what they need for their relationship and you and he need to identify what you two need for your relationship to be functional. THEN he needs to figure out if the two are compatible or not.
But-its not your place to decide what is or isn't reasonable for their relationship and that includes the pace that they move at-unless he has already agreed to boundaries in your relationship that limit the speed at which he moves in his other relationships.
I don't say this with any judgment-I for one prefer SLOW progression and we do have boundaries regarding that.
But it is imperative to self-monitor and understand that you aren't part of their relationship and you don't have a right to define their relationship. It can be tricky-but it is possible to respect and allow them to have their relationship and define it themselves while still negotiating your needs within your relationship. It does require a GREAT DEAL of responsible thought on the part of the hinge (in your case, that would be him).
"Love As Thou Wilt"