It's complicated, but it became clear she needed something outside of our marriage about 6 months ago. For a long time I thought (hoped) it was something she could 'get out of her system' with a tryst.
I think the hardest thing for me has been to get to what is real instead of looking at what I want to be real. It's easy to get stuck on what 'should be', but I think that just makes the pain last longer.
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