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Old 01-04-2013, 01:55 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 469

Your situation and mine are remarkably similar. After 14 yrs of married monogamy, a woman turned my world upside down and my poor husband has had to adjust. Like your woman, she is very flighty, flaky, and she loathes any notion of any expectation or responsibility placed on her. Of course, I utterly adore her, while she would be just fine if I just wanted to be friends.

Whenever she starts to feel stressed by life, she shuts down emotionally and just stops communicating/engaging, and I don't understand, and freak out hardcore. I have difficulty communicating with her in the best of times because she is intellectual, while I am emotional. It's like Bambi trying to date Spock.

She and I have been together over 4 months now, and unlike you, we do have a sexual/romantic relationship, but right now we're "on a break" after a very rough month. We're trying to figure out if we can just be friends, or if I can readjust my expectations to accomadate her inability to be in as intense a relationship as I desire.

I've found that when I need to talk to her, best to find a way to do so very calmly and kindly and she needs me to be in physical contact when I do it (hold her hand, rub her knee.) If I need to tell her she is doing something that causes me pain, I cannot accuse or she shuts down. I say it once, then back away and let her process. I try to remind myself that the very traits about her that drive me to drink--flighty, unemotional, doesn't need anyone, etc., are things that in another light I love about her. It makes her independent, smart, fun to be around, and when she's focused she's a force of nature.

Not sure if that helps at all, but I'm glad your post is here because it sure helps me!
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