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Old 01-04-2013, 06:58 AM
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UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61

[QUOTE=GalaGirl;175574]So you got your answer. She can't now.

That means "no." [/QUOTE}

I guess. I knew when I brought it up that my timing wasn't optimal, and that she was having issues with primary BF. We've been friends for a long time, and I know she takes a long time to work through things, so I'm not upset or even troubled that it is a process. She'd known DH and I were monogamous, and so hadn't allowed herself to think of me in any such light, and she's working to suss out her stuff with me at the same time as her relationship-building with BF.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
If someone said that to me? I would tell them :"To me that means you may want to explore it at some point but not any time right now or maybe not with me. So... it sounds like a soft NO. So I am going to take it as "no" and let the romance go and keep it as friends. If things change, you can let me know. We'll see what we see then. Is that the ballpark we're at here?"
Right, I've asked small questions, because she doesn't believe that big questions have yes or no answers. At first I kissed her, and asked her if she could understand how I felt. She said yes. Then I asked her if she could talk to me about it. Again, she said yes. I asked her if I should just take some distance to heal from what was obviously a one-sided and unrequited thing, and she told me she'd prefer I didn't.

When I asked if this was a thing that was happening or not, she balked, telling me it was too big of a question and involved too many factors (my newness, her unawareness of the situation, logistics and practicalities, among others). I asked if I could kiss her. She said yes, and volunteered that for the time being, I was welcome to hold her hand and cuddle with her on the couch (both things that set my heart a whirl, nearly 30 or no).

So, I'm not being ignored. I'm just unsure if anyone else takes weeks to process simple bits of information...and how they'd prefer to be notified that the radio silence is the hardest pert for the people with whom they are involved. I sent her an email on the 27th. Yesterday I found out that she has read it (I'm actually shocked) and that she's already crafting a response to it...but only because I freaked out on her. Had she told me when she'd read it, and then when she was starting the response, I'd feel more in the loop and probably wouldn't feel the need to freak out.

::sigh:: 15 years of only having deep discussions with one person has allowed my "on-your-toes" communication style to atrophy.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
But I'm hearing a soft no. I think you notice it too with feeling like a kid with a babysitter crush and feeling like she "tolerates you." Disappointing, since you like her so much.
I am fearing a soft no. But, as this has only become a functional conversation in the last few weeks (part of which she's been out of state), I'm not sure that is what is going on. Fears are not reality, necessarily, correct?

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
But you could take it as a "nope, not happening at this time" and move on rather than choosing endless suffering in limbo.
Move on to what, exactly? I retreat, hurt, and feeling rejected. She feels hurt that I cut off her communication style. DH and I got back to our quiet life that doesn't involve other folk or these interesting boards. Don't get me wrong, there's some appeal to the return to monogamy. I'm just not sure I won't sit and spin about how this chance is dead and I'm the one that killed it.

I'm truly not trying to be frustrating here, I'm just trying to figure out if anyone else has to deal with a flighty and unfocused communication style.
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
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