Originally Posted by amk
I wrote my wife a letter that I thought was pretty hopeful and in it I asked a lot of questions so I would better understand where she's at
I don't know if this will help, but I've been going through this myself - and there was a turning point for me that doesn't seem to have happened with you.
Right now, it sounds like your wife will not be happy in a monogamous relationship. Period.
The hard realization I had was that there were really only two options - break up or accept poly. Pretending monogamy was an option was just a fantasy that dragged things out and made us both miserable.
It may be different for you, but it sounds like a happy mono relationship is not in the cards anymore - and if you accept that then you can get out of this horrible limbo.
Best of luck