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Old 01-04-2013, 03:09 AM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
Excuse me in advance, but I just flew close to 10k miles, so I'm a wee bit scatter brained.
Coincidentally, I just flew as well (from San Francisco to Paris) so I understand the feeling

I understood most of your post and what you were saying, but I am a bit confused by this part:

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
I wouldn't feel left out because I would intentionally cut myself out of their lives and have zero involvement with either. I likely wouldn't accept an adoptive child either. He would still be responsible for him/her, their emotional needs, financial needs, and doing everything a father should do. He's a stand-up kind of man. A father is not dictated just by paternity. The actions that the person does give someone the right to be more than a sperm donor. That in itself is why I don't foresee a solution involving any children outside of our marriage. Biological or adopted.
Because it seems to me that it contradicts something you said earlier (which was what led me to mention adoption to begin with. To clarify, I didn't mean legal adoption, I mean taking care of her kid, who wouldn't be biologically linked to either of you)

Originally Posted by FullofLove1052 View Post
If he/she turned out to be his, something in my soul would make me want to pull away. Bonds established or not, and to me, that is the worst feeling and thought. Shunning an innocent child who didn't ask to be brought into the world. If it was the other man's child, my feelings would be the polar opposite.
(Emphasis mine) I assumed that the polar opposite of pulling away would be being invested in the child's life as a parental figure, in a way an adoptive parent. I guess my mistake was assuming that you would be fine with your husband doing the same thing. Is that were I misinterpreted it?
And if that's the problem, why would it be a problem for him to act as a parental figure to a kid outside of marriage who isn't is, while being fine for you to do the same thing?

If my misunderstanding comes from something else, would you mind explaining what my mistake is?

Either way, it doesn't seem like them having a biological child is an option as far as you are concerned. If she happened to be pregnant, would abortion ever be an option in your mind? (regardless of what he or she would want to do.) And what about giving out the child for adoption? Or would simply the existence of that child be too much on its own?
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