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Old 01-03-2013, 08:47 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,749

Re (from SweetSensations, Post #11):
"I don't want him to know what my lover looks like or know I am happier."
As far as him knowing you're happier, there's a flip side to that. He is the one that gave you the okay to seek outside sex, so, if doing so has made you happier, then it is thanks to him for giving you that permission. I'm not quite sure how you would put that; something like, "Thank you honey, for letting me do this, I know it wasn't easy for you, but it has helped me a lot." Not that it's required that you tell him that, but it's something to think about.

"Yes I feel more alive, quite frankly at the time, I just wished I was gone, I thought it would be great if I could just never wake up again, but again, I wouldn't want him to hurt."
I'm sorry that you had to go through such an awful time. I'm glad things are looking up a little. I can also see that you truly do love your husband; you cared about how he felt even when you were at such a low yourself.

"If he thinks I will leave him he will feel insecure and leave me. He did just that in the beginning of our relationship. For sure he is not his loving self."
Sounds like things are really rocky right now. All I can suggest is reassure him often that you are going to stick with him. I do think he could use some counseling, or you and he could use some couple's counseling, as some kind of insecurity seems to be buried deep inside him.

"I read not giving him any info will be worse on him. Another member said when they don't know what is going on they think the worst. He can be that type."
I think telling him every sensual detail about your outside encounters would be overkill (and far beyond what he could handle, at least right now). However, letting him know where you're going, and when he can expect you to return, may help him.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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