If it helps, I feel same. I love kids, but I feel strongly about wanting my kids to be in wedlock. Divorce, accidents leaving people widowed -- LIFE happens. So it doesn't always end up that way of course, but that is what I hoped and wanted for ME. Parenting = just me and DH.
Solution? Closed through Active Parenting. Don't need oopsie babies, don't need drama over reproductive desires not lining up with romantic desires of other partners. Don't want other people's wants, needs, and limits to have to consider in baby makin'. Don't want to deal in weird custody things. Don't want to deal in co-parenting with anyone but him.
I know some friends who do the poly-parenting tribe thing and that works for them. I think it is great - for them. More than happy to be supportive.
But I don't want that parenting option for myself. My willingness is not there for parenting in that style. DH is also not willing.
It's hard to be in the Limbo place while still discussing it with them. But keep talking, hang in there. You will get there. To the place where "There! All is settled! One way or another!"
You do not have to explain why you feel how you do. You just report willingness. You are willing to do X at this time. You are not willing to do Y at this time. You are willing to alert if your willingness should change. But the forecast for changing-ness on that is NO. Looking like hard limit. Are they willing to live with that or not to be in triad-ship with you?
So you could just be ok with this is just how you feel about it. It is a HARD LIMIT thing for you. There it is. There's no need to bang your head on the wall here. You are not a horrible person to have a hard limit. Everyone has something somewhere. They don't all have to be the same kinds of hard limits.
If they can agree to respect the limit, great. If not able to agree? Everyone will deal with it not being a runner. Disappointing, but Life is Life.
If it's a runner for a time, it is a runner for a time. If that time ends or wants and needs change and updates are needed to agreements? Could renegotiate. If not possible? Could know that it could include breaking up. Keep it real over there. It will be ok however it plays out.
People don't polyship for it to be a piece of cake all the time. People do it because they want to love their people, and love them hard.
And that includes loving yourself. However it is you happen to be. Even with whatever soft/hard limits you happen to come with! Be kinder to you being your honest, authentic self.
Remember to BREATHE.
Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-03-2013 at 08:43 AM.