Originally Posted by nycindie
She was your gf first, right? Then she got involved with your husband, and she hadn't ever mentioned wanting to be a mother until now. So you are freaking out and say you will divorce him if she bears his child. I guess you didn't think of that before they got involved? Anyway, at first you mentioned your reasoning as tied to the fact that you hated the way your mother's half-siblings were treated and ostracized in your family, but then you state you will shun a child of your husband's born to anyone else but you in exactly the same cruel way.
However, no one is actually saying they want to go ahead and plan on getting pregnant, and your husband and she can use several precautions to make sure it doesn't happen. I know everyone says nothing is fool-proof, but people have successfully avoided pregnancy for centuries. There are herbs, barriers, hormones, surgeries for him or her, termination, etc. And if she wants to be a mother, she could look for another man to father a child with her, either as a donor or as a partner. So, why keep freaking out?
If the slim possibility that your hubs is the father is such a horrible thing to you (which I personally find rather puzzling, given that you acknowledge it is just something that was taught you from a religious perspective that you have chosen to align yourself with - and the whole implantation scheme you wrote about makes very little sense to me, but that is neither here nor there), then perhaps they should simply abstain from PIV sex OR shouldn't be involved sexually at all anymore. If she wants to have a baby, she can find another bf or husband for herself, and if your husband wants a gf, he can look elsewhere. You and she can still be in relationship, if she can forgive you. But maybe she doesn't even want your husband to be the father anyway. You are winding yourself up in knots over speculations.
At this point, I'm conceding. I know my emotional limits, and I've surpassed them. I have to take a step back. I don't want to think about it at all. If I do, somebody's going to get their feelings hurt. For the best interest of all parties, I'm steering clear of this until I can sort out whatever internal and religious issues I'm dealing with.
It may come down to realizing that maybe poly no longer fits the mold of my life, and that I am just not cut out for this and everything it entails anymore. I appreciate all of the advice from each and every one of you. Thank you tremendously. For the time being...this is a dead issue, as it is like beating a dead horse.