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Old 01-03-2013, 04:18 AM
FullofLove1052 FullofLove1052 is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: English Rose by birth; Calling the Southern Hemi home by choice.
Posts: 912
Cool

You're entitled to your opinion. I respect it but not necessarily agree. Agree to disagree and move forward.

I said I could live with that. Not accept it. Not support it with all of my heart and all of my soul. Just live with it. I'm trying my best to come up with a solution that doesn't end with my marriage in divorce and a 12 year relationship going down the drain. Realistically, that's where I'm at if this happens and praying that it doesn't have to be like that. Everybody seems to want me to suck it up and deal with it. It's all about what's unfair to her. What about what's emotionally unreasonable and unfair to me?

If I have to deal with this something has to give. If it means sacrificing my own happiness, I guess I'll have to do it or admit defeat. I'm tired of people telling me I'm being unfair, hypocritical, and everything else. I'm drowning and struggling to find a solution. Nothing is gelling over too well. My feelings aren't going to change. I'm not some na´ve, impressionable child who changes with the direction of the wind.

I'm not happy with any suggested solutions. Perhaps we just need to break this up now, and she and I can part on good terms, too. Maybe this triad thing isn't going to work and monogamous is how I need to live from this moment forward. I just don't know. I guess I'm wired differently or maybe poly and being religious don't work well together.

How I intially felt: I would rather have gotten a divorce, be involved in a custody battle, and been single than ever be alright with another woman on this earth having my husband's child. I told them exactly how I felt in a tasteful but blunt manner. Not a guilt trip. Not intended to make anyone feel bad. It's what I felt. Don't ask me to be honest and not be prepared for the venom I shoot out.

See the difference? At least, I'm trying to find a solution that I can at least live with every day. However it's blowing up because it's only a matter of time before I blow and don't hold back what I genuinely feel and think. I've been biting my tongue to protect her feelings. The minute I do that? Somebody's world is going to shatter and there will be tears shed. I'm steps away from my breaking point, and it's killing me. I want to scream and cry, but for the sake of sanity, I have to keep it together.
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Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our four children.
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