Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
I scrolled through and tried to find whether or not this was addressed. I skimmed in places, so I apologize if it already was, but -- are all parties involved open to the idea of Kensi having another serious partner? Not an anonymous sperm donor, but a real partner who could be her husband and the father to her child if it's a man she gets involved with, or at least a second parent if it's a woman she gets involved with, in addition to her relationship with you and your husband?
If so, if she has that option on the table, then I think this could work out in a reasonable way for all involved. If that is not an option -- if her only choices, in the context of this triad, are to be childless forever or to have a child who does not have the benefit of a second parent (I'm assuming that if she had a child by a sperm donor, you wouldn't be comfortable with your husband acting in a fatherly role, since you've said you wouldn't be ok with her and him having an adoptive child... and I also assume you wouldn't be open to being a second mother to said child?), I can't see how that can work out, it just seems like a cruel position for someone who's stated she wants to be a mother to not get the benefit of a partner in parenting.
Either way, it seems like poly-friendly counseling couldn't hurt. If there's any question in your mind as to why you feel so strongly about this, why not explore that and try to understand it better?
It came up, but right now, we all agreed that would be overkill and too much to balance. This is stressful enough. We are still adjusting to this and trying to reconfigure things. We're in the probationary period, where we are seeing if it will even work. That's how we came to initially and mutually agree to be in polyfidelitous triad. Down the line once the wrinkles have been ironed out? That may change for her. I can't speak for anyone else, but I'm not opposed to that.
There is a small likelihood that I would be more inclined to accept a child born via a sperm donor and be semi-supportive of him being in fatherly position. That would probably have some limits. Like instead of being called dad. Maybe uncle or something. I'd have to sit down and think about them, but as long as it didn't take time away from the children we have now or drastically alter our set-up, I could be eased into that.
I think a poly-friendly counselor might be able to help in some type of way. Not entirely sure how, but I'm willing to at least try and maintain an open mind, heart, and ears.