The "code" as you call it, is something that has bothered me my whole life. To myself, in my head, I always wondered how everyone else knew what the rules were and why doing or saying anything else was meet with such repulsion.
In particular all the rules of the code about gender. Growing up you get the impression about how guys and gals are supposed to act around each other (because everyone assumes everyone is straight of course) and what you can talk about. Personally I found the rules about opposite genders are supposed to talk and not talk about damaging to my relationships. In a romantic relationship you are not supposed to talk with your SO about: any past romantic relationship or any crush you may feel at the moment. There are more, sure, but those two things being forbidden to talk about only promote jealousy. In my opinion. And are potentially damaging any good relationship.
The stereotype is you can only talk with your same gendered friends about your past relationships, or a current crush. But in realty I find most people I have known follow that code. I followed that rule, to a huge detriment in my life.
Your task is to acknowledge to yourself and others that every part of you has a right to exist.