Originally Posted by SNeacail
Also don't make him feel that only he has to change to match what you want. Neither way is inherently WRONG and there is always things each of you can do to fight better.
Don't worry about that. At least, well, one might worry a bit here, as I told him that it wasn't his fault obviously and that I didn't tell him to seek him to change his ways, as I know that he just works that way by now. I told him that I was searching for a solution for myself to handle his emotions the next time they hit me like some sledgehammer and be better prepared for it. But despite my explanation WHY I was so consumed with the topic he didn't quite understood that I was searching for a way out for me, not asking of him to not be himself.
I am still uncertain if he will be able to see this as something we both need to work on. He hates the thought of having such a trait to him that causes me so much unrest and in a way even worry. (Or me having a trait that reacts so badly, put it as you may; he sees this from the point of view of 'who is at fault' - I never understood this search for blame, but he is always at it.
And I wouldn't call my reaction passive aggressive. I am just calmer. I tell the person I am in whatever way disagreeing with, what my problems are (in general, with said person, etc.), I can get a bit louder if I get the feeling that I am not understood or answered in a not befitting way, but I never screamed or got personal beyond the matter at stake. (As far as I remember) As soon as I notice that the discussion gets us nowhere I break off the talk and wait some time to think some more and wait for the other to think about everything as well.
Lin just has to get all his frustration and anger out at once. And isn't satisfied until he voiced all of it. After this explosion things are settled for him (even if I would never call that 'settled' when I noticed a standstill or a stalemate) and he just forgets about it. I can't let go before everything was cleared, that's why we collided the second time and things got worse. It wasn't settled from my point of view and I dug at it again, which is utterly unnerving for him.
As I said some time ago: We found our kryptonite
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.