Honestly, stop trying to control each other.
( ..and I mean this in the nicest way possible. )
He wants to control the sex life, by not having one, and to control you, by being the 'decision-maker' for what happens in your sex life too. Are you talking to him like you are asking permission, or like you want to do this in a manner he feels comfortable ?
If you are offering choices, ..that is a start. Also figuring out an appropriate pace is a good thing too.
On your side,..don`t try and control how he 'feels' about it all , so much. He is going to hurt, and stress, and worry,...he WILL feel inadequate at first. He needs to be able to process his emotions, not have them evaporated with fluffy words.
Trying to 'shush' someone`s fears can be very frustrating to the person that feels them.
Time will tell the tale, of what a new-normal feels like. He has a right to worry. Some spouses get laid and lose their brains.
Other spouses do this in a very responsible manner, and everyone gains comfort. At the end of the day, it is Russian Roulette, and reassurance comes in two ways.
#1 - having a plan, and talking.
#2 Putting your money where your mouth is.
Also be prepared for his need to distance himself for awhile, and your possible B.I.H. syndrome. If you haven`t been getting nookie, and it suddenly comes,..you are going to feel a rush of hormones.