Well... sounds like you and partner are doing all you can. Until the "new normal" becomes normal, it feels pretty weird.
Could write down what you feel -- in mind (ex: trouble sleeping, racing thoughts?), in body (ex: sick in stomach, clammy hands?), in heart (aching heart?), in spirit (unsettled?) and give each one a number from 0-10. Put it away.
Then the next time, do same. Even if you still feel yucky the next few times, if your "ratings" are changing and lessening maybe that could help you to see that there is some progress being in made even if you are not yet totally comfortable?
Remember feelings are emotional internal weather. They are not necessarily realities. If you fear "losing intimacy" with him, note the times you share intimate moments. Then you can read you list to self-reassure. Whether it is a mind intimacy share, a heart intimacy share, a body intimacy share, or a soul intimacy share -- could note all those close, bonded sharing times.
Could also note how you talk to yourself inside your head. If it is YOU working yourself up, you can choose to change the channel when you catch yourself.
Maybe others have other suggestions? Hang in there!
Last edited by GalaGirl; 01-02-2013 at 04:07 AM.