Thank you. I actually did read it, as well as the comments. One stuck out more than anything. Quite informative. Still doesn't fully fit or sum up how I feel or what to do when morality is coming into play. I know I'm not the only poly person with morals. I know she's a human being. I know she has reproductive organs and no diagnosed issues if she were to try to conceive. Other than age and her biological clock, there are no physical road blocks. After 35, it becomes harder but not impossible. I acknowledge all of that.
We've weighed all the pros and the cons, and we know that a pregnancy can still happen, which is why being proactive, vocal, and talking about it now is of the utmost importance. Better to acknowledge it now than to be hit with a whammy down the line. Nothing but abstinence provides that guarantee. I've encountered people who have had tubals and partial hysterectomies but were still able to conceive.
The only feasible solution may be for the relationship to end. Sad as that is, I don't foresee a solution involving a child that DH fathers outside of our marriage that would work. In a mono relationship, that is sometimes enough to break down a marriage. That's my lone monogamous thought. I'm not willing to put my marriage or morals on the line, for a child I honestly would want nothing to do with. I hope this doesn't make me a bad person. It may sound cold and bloody terrible, but it's better than a child being here and me not acknowledging their presence, not wanting them in our home, and/or secretly wishing that my husband would terminate his rights, if we were to stay together. That scenario could play out a lot worse than breaking up now. I'm actively praying for clarity and seeking direction. Right now, that's all I can hope for. There will be no winner in this situation.