Thread: Hi there :)
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:29 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,750

Happy New Year to you too, Tom!

I don't mind answering your questions at all. You can read the detailed version in my "Journey" blog here (the Jackassery section) - I made mistakes, largely because I was deluding myself about what was happening.

Originally Posted by Tom View Post
1. How did your relationship with bf start? emotional? physical?
Physical. I am a very flirty person, with everyone, all of the time. This time was different, I was in over my head before I knew it. I had a fair amount of stored up "horny" and assumed that this was "just" a crazy crush, sex thing. Took me about 9 months to really acknowledge (to myself) the emotional component (they both saw it before I did).

Originally Posted by Tom View Post
2. Do you have kids? if so, do they know and how do they feel about your poly life?
We don't have kids. (Which was not the original plan, but that is another story.)

Originally Posted by Tom View Post
3. Does anyone outside your household know about your relationships?
Our small close circle of friends know the whole situation. Our families know that Dude "officially" lives with us and that we are all close. They have incorporated him into our "family" functions (they know he is estranged from his family) and I am sure suspect more but we have never discussed any details. To everyone else, he is our "roommate".

Originally Posted by Tom View Post
4. Do you decide who you spend the night with like my wife or is it a decision based on all three of you?
There are kind of two parts to this - the actual sleeping part, and the having sex part. Our schedules are very staggered, so while we all three sleep in the same king-sized bed, we are coming and going to bed at different times. I just go to sleep in the middle regardless of who is with me or if I am alone. (Sometimes Dude chooses to sleep on the couch if MrS is already asleep because MrS snores). Dude likes to cuddle while sleeping, MrS does not. We each have our own blankets if we want them.

In terms of the sex part. MrS has a very low libido (like weeks/months apart is ok with him) and Dude a super high one (2-3 times a day would be good), I'm kind of average (couple/three times a week). If I am "in the mood" when I go to bed I will ask for a "tucking-in" and Dude usually volunteers (although, I occasionally get a "double-tucking" and that is FINE with me - the boys are both straight so I get ALL the attention). Dude and I also regularly shower together, while MrS prefers to shower alone. Other than that, I may be receptive to Dude at other times - and let him drag me off to the bedroom (or elsewhere if MrS is asleep). I'm up for sex with MrS anytime he wants (the very fact that he is "in the mood" is a turn-on) but he only rarely "stakes a claim" for an evening. I think the fact that Dude has sex with me much more frequently balances the fact that MrS gets "dibs" if he wants them (neither of them have raised any objections in this regard).

We had a lot more boundaries early on about when, where, checking in ahead of time etc. - these have all gradually gone by the wayside. The only remaining "boundary" is that Dude and I don't have sex in the bed if MrS is IN it (and not participating) - which seems more than reasonable.

In terms of other "time-sharing" (not that you asked, but it seems relevant). Most of our at home relaxing time is all three of us on our computers, listening to music, watching TV/movies, talking, etc. They have projects that they work on together while I am at work (which pre-dates my involvement with Dude - but now includes house/car stuff). When we go "out" it is usually all three together (again which pre-dates my involvement with Dude) - concerts, movies, eating-out, travel. I do get one-on-one "dates" with them when one is not interested in going, or I'll do errands with one and we will stop at a restaurant. But this is not scheduled or kept track of - it's all a matter of circumstances.

The only thing that I would change, in this regard, is that I would like a once-a-month or so private date/evening with each of them. The date would not be a problem - we just have to actually PLAN something (which we are all bad at) but to get a night at home alone would involve kicking someone out of the house for the evening...and we seriously live in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE (which I love, but limits the night-life options) and all of our friends have kids.


PS. In terms of your wife joining in tandem on your account. It can be done ("MrS here: posting on JaneQ's account") but most people here find it easier to follow when people have separate accounts and then have shared threads or blogs (you can check out Mya and Rory's blog for an example).
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 01-02-2013 at 02:34 AM.
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