GalaGirl, I read your response and your advice before we went to dinner, so I was armed with a plan and a starting point. We're tweaking it to perfection to hopefully appease all parties. We did manage to firmly agree on two things: a vasectomy and cryopreservation. A reversal procedure is not guaranteed to work, and we're not ready to say, "We're positively done having children." My mum had my youngest brother at 43, so who is to say that I won't wake up one day before menopause hites and decide, "I'd love to be a mother again." Even if we never use it, we'll know that it's there for future use.
Actually, it seriously feels like a battle inside of me. On the one hand, I have my moral fiber and encompassing, which is just not willing to even accept the notion of a child being born out of my marriage. On the opposing hand, I have two people who I love rather dearly and genuinely want to be happy. Do I swallow what I feel and let them do it to retain equality and steer clear of meddling in their affairs, or do I hold on to my values and compromise an element of their happiness? Realistically, I'm not willing to compromise my values or morals, and I think it would be equally unjust for anyone to ask me to do such. I know how I am, and these feelings will never change. If taking it step-by-step or year-by-year will ease the shock or lead towards their wholehearted acceptance of my decision, then that will have to be the chosen method. Either that, or a relationship or relationships may be ending.
I definitely agree. It's an adjustment and a work in progress. We're ironing out the details and the kinks. This dynamic does take some restructuring as far as time and everything you listed above. Now is the time to establish wants, needs, and limits. Naturally, over time things may and possible should change. You have to have a starting point, right? Definitely in our infantry and steadfastly growing.
Definitely trying to breathe and hope for the absolute best for all of us. Thank you and hugs back!
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 13 years and father of our (3.5) children.