Sexless Marriage- Told him I was stepping out for sex
I am hoping you can give me guidance to preserve my marriage but step out of the relationship for sex.
Therapist told me most ppl would kill for a relationship like mine but you have several areas that are a huge deal if those areas are important to you.(intimacy is huge for me) I have seen 2 other therapists one encouraged me to stay in the relationship but get him in therapy>cough! I hope to empower him to stay without an overt sabotage of the relationship. If he starts to feel pressure, which he has, he will become resistant and lash out in anger. If he feels insecure he may leave. Over the last year+ he has told me do what ya gotta do. I asked him to read love in abundance and define my sexual activities together. I told him you are my number one and started setting out to do little nice things for him to reassure him. Then months later he said he was not feel comfortable with my decision. I waited till I had not had sex for almost 3 years.
The therapist found some sort of huge sexual block and possible testosterone deficiency that he possibly could have. We were doing therapy through triangulation. She would ask me the questions on a recorder and I would ask them of him, record his body language and report back to the therapist. I was in therapy to make sure I could withstand the guilt of stepping out of the marriage and possibly get an open marriage. Where I messed up was telling him I was going outside the relationship for sex, before going into therapy. At the time the therapist said I had a neat packed life for hubby and so we set out to rock the boat. Therapist said, I had a significantly healthy relationship minus the intimacy and I had some choices to make.
This Christmas he started snapping at me and told me who are yu buying that for?" "I am not going to watch that movie with you" I think he is hurt but won't give me sex no matter what. I have stepped out of the relationship and adore sex with new man. I don't want to just leave my H the way his last 2 relationships have. I have been in the relationship for 17 yrs. I told him I was not going to tell him any details about the other man.
What are ways I can convince him to have an open relationship? Building him up has helped some. He won't talk much. I want to continue to be gentle cuz it is my persona. Just need you ideas. I have read some other posts that were helpful.
Thank you for your time...