Hang in there. I'm glad you are all talking and hopefully coming closer to some kind of plan to handle it. It is hard to predict the future, so could consider "ok, the plan for the FIRST YEAR is..." to break it down to bite size. Then in a year, a new checkpoint.
I'm at war with they may want one day and my morals.
You are not at war. It may FEEL like tug-of-war, but really? This is tug-of-change.
You JUST formed a triad. You guys have to do a reassess, reevaluate, reestablish, reframe -- all those re's -- to incorporate and accommodate the wants, needs, and limits of a new person in the new polyship shape.
You will have what you are willing to do or have. Your wants, needs, and limits.
Ken will have what he is willing to do or have. His wants, needs and limits.
She will have what she is willing to do or have. Her wants, needs and limits.
This is a checkpoint to see what lines up or not, and then adjusting to the happy medium.
A solid "yes" is a "yes."
A solid "no" is a "no."
A maybe? In negotiation? It's a "no."
You will all get through this. It will be ok -- however it is you all decided to deal with it.
Remember to breathe.