Happy New Year, Rory, and thank you for your input and the link. I have already talked to my husband and girlfriend and sweetly but bluntly stated that if it comes down to our marriage vs. them having a child together, sadly, I'd rather their relationship end and we transition back to a V. I don't bite me tongue, and they know that I don't sugarcoat anything.
This triad was just formed, so all these talks are happening now. She had never expressed any desire to have children, as there was no interest. In talking to her over the past few days, there have been thoughts on her end, which is why I'm glad that I'm being proactive and vocal. I'd rather heartache now than heartbreak years in. This is hurting me as much as them, which is why I'm trying to be receptive. I'm struggling with what to do.
With me acknowledging that I'm opposed to it and letting them know and if they were to continue to do it, I feel like I'd be left out of something that would obviously affect me for the rest of my life. It would put strain on our marriage and cause issues in our home. We are close, and I love our relationship. I don't believe in divorce, but something of this magnitude? I'd probably suggest a legal separation. Though she is our girlfriend and an integral part of our lives, I'm still his wife and his/their decisions affect everyone in our family including our children.
DH does respect and understand my feelings, as he now fully understands that this is something that would hurt me and could potentially hurt our marriage. Ken understands why I feel the way I feel and acknowledges that it would be a hard pill to swallow.
As it stands now, DH has no desire to have any more children right now because we have a 4 year old and 7 month old who are keeping us all on our toes and running. However, he did say that he might want more in the future. The good news is he's not 100% against a vasectomy. Right now, that might be the solution. We have to take quite a few things into consideration. Like the fact that the reversal may not be successful if he ever decides to get one. We talked about it, as well is cryopreservation. Better safe than sorry. Barrier methods and birth control are reminiscent of putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. It temporarily suffices but will not hold permanently.
I don't think I'll ever be okay it. Everyone seems to think that I'm just shutting all the way down and not even giving it a chance. I've tried to be accepting and accomodating of the thought, and there's a block. I'm listening to both sides and being unbiased. I've even weighed the pros and the cons. I've put myself in the reverse position. (Weird, but I couldn't have a child with a married man. No matter how much I was in love with him.) I've done so many exercises. I've done research and read everyone's advice on here. I've taken most of it to heart. I've opened my heart and my ears. Yet, every measure has failed. I'm at war with they may want one day and my morals. I don't know how to get over that hump. If we could find a happy-medium, that would be superb.