I know who I want most. I imagine some would condemn me for the decision, but there is alot of other things that go into the decision and in my heart it is the right one for me. I hate - my god I so hate - having my kids go through this. But I dont believe my heart is going to change on this.
I think what I was mostly hoping from this post is some thoughts on others that have gone through something similar. Most of all I want to salvage what I can and let me and my former wife be friends, though to be honest she is the type that is pretty vindictive and I am difficult seeing that happen at this point. Right now I'm basically still there - feeling trapped - trying to find a peaceful way out that doesnt destroy her. Probably a useless effort, but I do still care about her.
I read something somewhere where this type of things works best with confident and independent people Honestly this my wife was definitely not. She has always had severe self confidence and self worth problems. In fact I think one of the reasons we were together so much at first was my need to help her with that. In the end this happened because I think maybe I got selfish in wanting someone I didnt have to constantly try to build up and is more on equal footing there than me.
In the end she would preferred it was just friends with benefits with this secondary, no feelings or emotions. It was my love for this person that she has never been able to handle. One of her best friends has always told her that he loves her like his wife, and would love to have this kind of close relationship with her. I gave her my blessing on that, but she could never bring herself to be close to him. She can do sex with him, but no emotion. I'm sorry to say I was not able to do that. After all, the woman we did this with I have felt a connection with for over 10 years. Having this happen only solidified the connection we both felt. The love was amazing between us.
Not like anyone here can make any decisions for me. But it is nice to read what others in similar situation may have had to go through.