1) I am scared that I can't count on Woodsmith. Don't get me wrong I love him completely but I still hurt from him not being there for me emotional or in an effort to help out around the house when I was dealing with my depression. And when things start to get better he goes and does something that takes it back (such as not talking to the old apartment to set up a payment plan while he's off and I have been working, not contacting the person he knows that could perform our wedding, getting too drunk to get me home after I told him I needed to be home that night for a drug test the next day-thankfully a friend brought me home).
2) I am scared that I am an option for people I've made priorities. I hate feeling like they want me when and how they do but other than those times and ways they could care less. I hate not being a part of making plans. I know this has been worse because of the holiday season but it sucks that of the rest of the family I've probably only seen each person 2 or 3 days throughout the entire month of December.
3) I'm financially scared. I've been keeping it a secret how bad off I am but since my time in the hospital I haven't been able to pay all of my debt. I've finally gotten it down to $2200 but that has been since July and I'm still working on it. And now I'm working a job where I make less money so that's going to be hard.
4) I'm scared of my health. My new insurance doesn't start until April. I'll be out of my anti-depressants in 2 months. My spine and most of the joints (knee, ankle, hip, shoulder, wrist) on my right side have been in significant pain for a couple of weeks to the point I can barely sleep because of the pain. I also haven't been able to be as physically active as normal because after doing so for some period of time (which of course is not ever set) I'll start feeling like my chest and heart are caving in.
5) I'm scared of my mental health. I still haven't dealt with losing my cat Bandit. I've been feeling a disconnect from animals and nature. I'm not able to find beauty in everything anymore. I'm afraid if I keep trying to pretend to be okay when I'm not that my body will just give out. But I'm afraid if I don't try to pretend I'll lose control of my depression.
Woodsmith: My husband
Merry: Tig's wife/slave
N8: Merry's boyfriend/owner
Elle: N8 girlfriend
Ruby: Part of the Leather Family
Logan: Leather Sir in the Family
Arc: Logan's boy
Holly: Leather family
K: Holly's sub