View Single Post
Old 12-31-2012, 03:28 PM
UpsideDown's Avatar
UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
So you found an area where it feel yucky. Imagining him with another lover feel vomitous to you today. Ok. Acknowledged. Plant a mental flag there...

Maybe this one area always will bug you. Maybe it will feel different tomorrow, next year, next decade. That we cannot know for sure at THIS point in time, right? So just... ID and flag.
I think that's wonderful advice. I was, and am, trying to get ahead of some of the snowballing that this feels like sometimes, but as DH hasn't, as yet, asked to have another partner of his own, perhaps just coming back and revisiting it, periodically, will be more helpful.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
You could choose other behaviors to address your emotional management too -- talk to a friend, write in a journal, not pick at it like a thought scab, etc. It's good you try to write in this forum. WTG!

Maybe you want a blog thread so collect all this in? In the blog thread area?
Not really sure I want to blog it all out, and the only poly friends we have are CG and her primary and I don't want to overwhelm them with this (relatively minor for them, but big for me) thing. I've started a dialogue with a mutual friend of ours who already knows about the whole thing, and a few PMs here with other people have been fairly helpful.

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I've pretty much pinpointed my UGH with imagining DH with another as fear of the unknown nutjob stranger. He's precious to me, and it makes me feel grody to think about him being hurt somehow. I imagine with people I already know, or close friends and there is no vomitous. I imagine him with someone I don't know and here it comes -- Anxiety Train. So I don't know if sharing that helps you as you sort out your feelings.
A bit. My anxiety train seems to start at the idea of him touching someone else for more than practical purposes (dancing involves a lot of touch, for example, and that doesn't bother me at all...nor does it bother me to see him in a big sleepy pile with a group of friends). It's the whole fact that his nature intertwines sex and romance so much, mine does not, and I get jittery.

I am less so when not focused on this specific issue, however, which was simply something I felt I should emotionally address as a measure of fore-thought and fairness.
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
Reply With Quote