Aw... it's ok to feel that way. Could go easier on yourself and DH though. We all age and grow and change over time.
Keep in mind that BF gets the version of you that's already been honed by Life. Being with your spouse for 24ish years has helped shape you into the person you are today... to BF's benefit.
A person of today would not have to deal with me in my early 20's when I was all angry and struggling with emotional flooding/anxiety/stress and not having the skills I have today in anxiety management. I didn't even have a DX yet!
I'm not proud of it but there were times back then when I'd throw crap around and stomp out of the house in a temper fit.
I've asked DH how he'd feel about giving the next person "a leg up" in the ways of Galagirl when DH had to endure me and he laughed and said he didn't mind it at all. Why go back?
Keep trying -- so long as both you and DH are willing, sooner or later you will get there.