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Old 12-31-2012, 07:10 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I was just browsing through my bookmarks before going to sleep, and I happened to open I opened up a couple of articles that I hadn't read, and ended up with a lot of food for thought. In a list of qualities of healthy relationships, Veaux writes:

"Am I moving with courage in this relationship? Are the people around me moving with courage? ... Do they say 'Here are the things that scare me, and here are the things you can do to help support me' rather than 'Here is a list of things that I forbid you to do'?"

Wow. Kind of puts my issue here in perspective. Which thing do I want to be saying?

In another essay, he talks about change, specifically about how any new relationship can end up being a game changer whether you expect it to be or not (basically what Rory and I were discussing above). It made me think about hierarchy. About how it's important to me to feel like, even though Gia already has a primary partner, my relationship with her is important too, and has room to grow, and takes its shape naturally, not because it's trapped in some sort of secondary box. Therefore, shouldn't her relationship with Dexter (if there ends up being one) get the same consideration, isn't it wrong, not to mention hypocritical, to try to trap it in a box where it can only reach a limited level of significance? That may not be my intention in being so concerned about the amount of time they spend together, but it could be the result.

All of this is leading me to a position opposite to that I was taking when I wrote the unsent email. Rather than solidifying my boundaries on this issue, I'm thinking even more about doing away with them altogether.

Ha, I'm sorry, I must seem so schizophrenic to you guys. That's what happens when you're basically live-blogging your every emotion, I guess. I can't express how helpful it is, to have a forum in which to work things out.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 12-31-2012 at 07:12 AM.
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