Originally Posted by eternallygreatful
There is no one answer to what is right for every poly couple. I am in a relationship with a dh and shared girlfriend. I have two children with my dh and have no problem if they decide one day to have kids together. Our relationship is one based on love and trust between the three of us and we are raising our 2 current kids as if she was a mom to them too. The only problems that i would foresee would be with judgment from the child's friends parents growing up. A poly lifestyle is not socially acceptable and the kids would have to deal with having half siblings but living with both of those siblings parents. It can be confusing to explain to people, but in the end it is all about what will make the three of you happy. I would never want to deny a woman the chance to be a mother, but some strict guidelines have to be laid down first.
First, thank you for your comment. I definitely realize that no answer is perfect for every situation. I love this forum for that reason. I love the varying opinions and takes on things. It enables me to see it from another perspective.
I haven't the slightest desire to deny her that right, but what I've come to realize is, I'd rather their relationship end than be alright with or accepting of that. I have put myself in the reverse position. I've told my husband this during our most recent chat. He respects me for being so upfront and honest. Our talks are certainly not over.
My feelings definitely stem from that one, lone monogamous thought of no children outside of a wedded union. That has been deeply embedded from a religious stance. I can remember my religion teacher damn near beating that into our heads. For whatever reason, that stuck with me. I even put myself in the position of being with two men instead of a M/F. I would not be able to give the second mate a child. It is the greatest gift of love an the most amazing bond, but I'd have to deny that man that if the question was asked.
My grandfather--rest his soul--had children with his wife, my grandmother (the eventual ex--as she moved on), and the girlfriend. A poly situation all around. The relationship my mother has with her half-siblings is one that you would share with some random person from school that you meet up with at a reunion 10-20 years down the line. It is kind of "If I see you, I'll speak and catch up, but outside of that, we're two ships sailing in the night" kind of deal. I don't even call her siblings aunts or uncles. There has always been a division amongst the children. We buried my grandfather in 2008, and there was still division.
TBH, I fear that happening. This unspoken division. Our children won't always be in the confines of our home. They'll be facing people every day. Our 4 year old is already aware, so I can imagine the conversations with her daycare mates. She told Kensi, "My mum really loves you."
It is a lot to think about. I'm trying to be fair and hear both of them out. Open ears and open heart. With this sort of genetic monogamy mold, it shields them and provides an element of safety. It is hard to explain.