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Old 12-30-2012, 11:29 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

Originally Posted by Hannahfluke View Post
I'm not sure which of us changed, or if it's just more noticeable now that we have other people in our lives. We've been married 21 years and you'd think we would have figured this out by now. I think having a girlfriend who has a very similar style of conflict resolution to him has changed how he reacts to me, with my very different personality. I also think that having my boyfriend who reacts very similar to me has changed how I react to my husband a little bit. I think we're in the midst of rediscovering how to balance what each of us need from the other while having partners that are similar to us in so many ways, if that makes sense.
that makes perfect sense, and is very interesting.

My boyfriend is much more the 'pat on the back and tell me all will be okay' type. In my case, the funny thing is, I'm so used (almost attached) to my husband's style of dealing with my emotions and panics, that I much prefer his style to my BF's style and it's actually an issue in my relationship with my BF, that he's not a little ' tougher' with me.

Years ago, I was depressed, had anxiety attacks, was basically crying every night. At the time, all I wanted was my husband would just hold me and tell me everything would be okay. He never did. One night he looked at me and said, if this goes on, I can't take it anymore. I looked at him and saw he was serious. I went to my room, went online, and still crying, started to look for a job (one of my main issues then, was that I hated my job, but was too paralyzed by insecurity to make a career change).
After a couple of hours I had found an ad for a trainee ship in the field I really wanted to work in. I applied that same night, and was hired. The job paid zero money and I did it besides the regular job I already had (the one I hated). It was an extremely difficult and stressful time, but I was finally doing something I loved (and I was good at it).

Ten years later, I have made myself a modest, but satisfying career in this field. I still think of that defining moment often.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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