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Old 12-30-2012, 05:41 PM
BlueDragonfly BlueDragonfly is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: MA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Could ask your husband who you are supposed to go to for emotional intimacy if not him? You close down to one person in a monogamous structure for his benefit. What's he going to be willing to put in for your polyamorous benefit?
My husband has always had difficulty expressing and talking. He just shuts down. I on the other hand am very honest and open. I have always said that we are polar opposites. I have asked him what you have said above, in similarity to how you have said it, and I get nothing, he becomes a wall.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Ask him if he's willing to keep TALKING to you about your inner life and thoughts so you can feel well fed and benefit from being in a monogamous relationship with him.
I think, it makes him very insecure, to hear how I feel. He thinks that he is not enough for me, etc. Which I can understand and I try to explain to him that it is not that way but he just doesn't choose to hear it. All he thinks is that polyamory means that I want to sleep with other men. I told him that is not the case and I have never said I wanted to sleep with anyone else, I said that I don't know what the future holds and I can't say that someday down the line that may be different, but at this point I just want to be accepted as who I am and to be able to express myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
The problem here is not you being poly and him being mono. The problem is him seeming to avoid honest heart to heart communication with you when you crave this.
True, when it comes down to the nitty gritty, the poly/mono is just the icing on the cake... I can't fathom the fact that he doesn't want to at least try to understand and accept me, when I do it for him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Does he understand how vital it is to you? Could try again to let him know this is important to you -- the ability to talk to him about your inner life and poly feelings without him appearing to be brushing it off. And if this is not the best time when you bring it up, HOW he could let you know.
I usually bring it up on a good night, when we are quietly sitting together and he seems talkative. I have expressed how I feel and I honestly feel like he just doesn't care if I am miserable. Our relationship, to me, has been broken for quite sometime... Add that to me feeling like I can't be me and I feel like it is a ticking time bomb...

So maybe, all in all, poly/mono is only half of the issue... But to me, it's the biggest issue... I have accepted him for being quiet, passive aggressive and for several indiscretions in the past (he has a hard time being honest and after counseling, we moved past that and I CHOSE to forgive him)... So why can't he accept me?

I feel like I have sacrificed so much in the relationship and in return he just sweeps my needs under the rug.
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