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Old 12-30-2012, 05:14 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,271

If you will forgive me taking the liberty of trimming some of your post... here's the nub:

We began to communicate better than we ever had and it felt so good to be able to talk about how I felt.

But now, we never talk about it anymore, I bring it up and he changes the subject, sweeps it right under the rug.

If he loves me, he wouldn't want to at least learn about it, to better understand me?
The only thing I express different?
I truly don't feel like I can be mono for the rest of my life, it is not who I am.
That I express as

I am not monoamorous. I am polyamorous. But I can choose to be in a monogamous relationship if my partner will allow me poly expression, and listen/talk with me about my inner life. I don't need other lovers, I need to be understood.
Here's how I feel about all that if you want to read the longer version. It's a series on the first page of my blog thread starting with post #6.

Could ask your husband who you are supposed to go to for emotional intimacy if not him? You close down to one person in a monogamous structure for his benefit. What's he going to be willing to put in for your polyamorous benefit?

Ask him if he's willing to keep TALKING to you about your inner life and thoughts so you can feel well fed and benefit from being in a monogamous relationship with him.

The problem here is not you being poly and him being mono. The problem is him seeming to avoid honest heart to heart communication with you when you crave this.

Does he understand how vital it is to you? Could try again to let him know this is important to you -- the ability to talk to him about your inner life and poly feelings without him appearing to be brushing it off. And if this is not the best time when you bring it up, HOW he could let you know.
"This sounds like a bigger heart to heart conversation, and we have to get the kid at the soccer game in 15 min. How about a date on Sunday night from 8 - 10 PM for just us and no interruptions?"
Would hearing something like that help you feel better listened to/valued?


Last edited by GalaGirl; 12-30-2012 at 05:19 PM.
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