On Friday, Gia and I were chatting and she mentioned a plan that Eric and I had been loosely batting about with another friend, to see a movie together at one of our houses this weekend. I confirmed that we'd been discussing this, and that my house was the most likely location. She said that, in that case, since she didn't want to see the movie, perhaps she'd send Bee with Eric and invite Dexter over.
This is where I kind of didn't cope. I thought to myself... ok, she made alone-time with him two weeks ago, and now she's doing it again in just a couple of days. Two weeks in between encounters, as compared to a month in between the last two times that we'd been intimate. She's doing exactly what I told her I couldn't handle, making more time to be alone with him than with me. Maybe she doesn't see this as making time with him, I thought, because Eric and I will both be otherwise engaged anyway. But taking advantage of a spare bit of space and scheduling someone else into it IS making time. She could be doing any number of other things instead, things like exercising or cleaning or crafting or reading, things I've tried to remind myself that she needs to do in order to explain to myself why we don't have more just-us time together. She wants him more than me (this I believed, and still do kind of believe, as much as I wish I didn't), and she doesn't give a shit about my feelings (this I certainly didn't want to believe, and absolutely don't, but the thought was there in a vague sort of way in the moment and it hurt so badly).
I didn't respond right away. She asked if that was ok with me. I said that, actually, I was kind of freaking out. And I was. Sitting at my desk at work, my heart was racing, my hands were slightly trembling, I felt a bit like I might cry. I had a similar reaction when I told Eric that I loved him and then waited for his reply, but this was worse. This is one way I know that my feelings for these people are serious, because they manifest in my body in powerful ways.
She reviewed her logic with me. As I had suspected, she was, indeed, thinking that she wasn't "making" time, just taking advantage of a time when she couldn't be with either of her other partners anyway. I reiterated that I wasn't ok. She asked if I wanted to talk on the phone. I said yes, went outside of my office building, walked up the street to a bit of grass, sat down, and called her.
I know I must have sounded a little shaky. I said that I thought I just needed to babble for a bit, and she let me talk. I talked about this past fall, how hard it's been for me that we have had so little time for intimacy, I talked about the mess that was our November date. I talked about the fact that the one thing that's made it all ok for me has been knowing that it wasn't me, that it wasn't that she didn't want to be with me, it was just the circumstances keeping us from being intimate more. And now here she was making plans to be with Dexter just two weeks after the last time, and how was I supposed to deal with that...
She stopped me and explained more about their first time together, two weeks ago. It was totally unplanned, unexpected, which I hadn't realized. Eric and Bee were at another party, with relatives of his that she doesn't get along with. Gia had planned a holiday gathering for our friend group for the same time, and had invited a dozen people, including friends with very young children. As it happened, very few people showed up, and those that did come had to leave early, leaving just her and Dexter, with an hour or so before Eric and Bee were due to come home. So, they took advantage of the unexpected time. Not a plan, not a date, just some stolen time, such as she and I have had from time to time. Everything she said made perfect sense, as I vaguely recalled the facebook invite for the party she was describing (I had been out of town at the time, so I hadn't paid any heed to it, knowing I couldn't go). This, therefore, would be the first time she had ever *planned* to be intimate with him, and she was *only* doing it because it seemed like such a good opportunity, with both Eric and I otherwise occupied.
I talked a while longer, just getting all of my thoughts out of my head, before finally coming around and agreeing that that put things in a very different light. Physically, I had calmed down. I told her that I thought I was ok. We exchanged "I love you"s, and both went back to work.
That night, I was watching Bee so that she and Eric could go out to a movie with some other friends of ours. It was one I'd already seen, with Davis. They'd originally had another babysitter lined up, but that person had fallen through, and I'd happily agreed to step in rather than let them miss it. Bee and I had a fun evening together, he was in a great mood, easily amused. When Gia and Eric got home, she curled up on the couch while Eric whisked Bee off to bed. I asked if I could hug her. She motioned me over, and we ended up wrapped up in each other. We stayed like that a minute, and then I asked her if she wanted space, she usually needs space. She said it was ok. So we stayed like that, close, touching, for a while longer, I'm not sure how long, but long enough that we had to switch positions a couple of times to stay comfortable. Maybe twenty minutes? I kissed her arms and stroked her legs, and we talked about the movie, about nothing in particular.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 12-30-2012 at 07:21 AM.