Thanks for the advice... makes clear sense and well written.
While I am no stranger to Poly having been in both an FMF and MFM situation, both were ultimately unsuccessful. But I was in a primary role in both of those situations.
Playing the secondary role feels more sustainable from my end at least. I'm not one to bring drama into things. My wife now is very understanding of my desire for more social activity in my life as well as more sexual relationships than she is interested in at this point. I would consider her a veteran seasoned swinger who became disenchanted with that scene over time. I also... to some degree, but I do see the arguments for both swinger and poly. I feel this board at least from what I have read is not very swinger friendly... and I do understand this also. We went from Poly to swinger.. while I think for most it might work the other way around. I am revisiting Poly now.
This Poly group seems slightly out of balance but in no way toxic. The male primary is very kind hearted and not alpha acting in any way. He comes across as a lover of female energy both patient and respectful. I am not sure though that the girls know their place in the primary, secondary .... etc.
My feeling is that this needs to be understood. I have know Poly folks who claim everyone is a primary. I disagree, and I am sure I could pick any of those situations apart and show them why it is not that way in reality.
In this situation, one female gets most of the sex, one gets most of the time, and one seems to be a bit of an outsider.
I feel I could enjoy two of them on a somewhat limited involvement, but not three. I have already been sexual with both of them, but never one on one.
Only in group situations which is fine with me. I could see myself going there, but I would need consent from my primary (wife) before I would ever be sleeping over or meeting one of them for one on one sex.
Again, I feel this board frowns upon sex talk, but I do feel it is important because without sex, to me at least.. it is then just a friendship.. which of course can be very deep and emotionally intimate, but sex does change things. It does become something different, especially when it becomes ritualistic.