Originally Posted by nycindie
No, of course, you're not a terrible person and, by virtue of the fact that you even ask that, obviously you have compassion and are wrestling with these issues. You seem to have a good amount of awareness about your issues/motives for not wanting him to love anyone else nor be sexual with anyone else. It's only unfair if one person dictated what the other should do without asking for input and considering what they want. Fair doesn't always mean equal, and relationships shouldn't be tit-for-tat (IMHO). However, I do suggest you keep asking yourself why your stomach gets into knots, play out some imaginary "what if" scenarios in your head and really pinpoint the things that make you most uncomfortable. More self-knowledge is never a bad thing. And keep talking talking talking.
I really do think that I get tied up in knots because any romantic relationship for him would be overtly sexual. This is not proving to be the case for me. The what-if scenarios are what led me to the separation of D/s, sex, touch, kissing and physical closeness. Some of those I could possibly get behind if asked. Some...well the thought of them turns my guts.
As to the other poster, I'm not sure how to better phrase my post. Do I need to ask for "practical advice, anecdotes or pragmatic applicable theory only"? Do I need to ask for people to not assume DH and I want to explore poly to its fullest limits or that we both necessarily want other lovers? I truly don't see the value of uncomfortable self-knowledge for its own sake, unless it has a probable application, and I felt badgered by his multiple responses as he continued to reinforce the same point (which I had said I understood but didn't agree with).
I apologize if I misread his intent, but he seemed very "worldlier-than-thou" and rather sure that his perspective was one I would agree with if only I was able to understand it. I'm not a fan of being talked down to, and (perhaps incorrectly) read his tone as condescending. My apologies if that was the case.