Originally Posted by Anneintherain
It probably isn't helpful to keep trying to pick apart everything River said. Lots of people give advice others don't agree with, I'd suggest just letting it go. It's a public forum, if you aren't open to a a wide variety of feedback, then asking for advice probably isn't something you will want to do much of.
I believe it's true, whether or not you ever act on anything after opening the box and looking inside, things HAVE changed a bit, in what you know and think of each other. Just like now that you have told CG how you feel, things can never go back to the way they were if you never told her, because you both are aware that things are different than they were. So you might not revisit the box, but everybody knows what was in the box, and life looks a bit different today than it did before y'all saw what was there.
I believe unequal rules work fine as long as everybody involved is happy with the set up. Obviously if you would like to go to the 1/2 mile with CG but are only comfortable with him getting to the 1/3 mile mark with anybody, there may be more risk that someday down the road he will want to join you in having a relationship that can go to the 1/2 mile mark. All you can really do is take him at his word when he says how he feels and what he wants now and hope he will speak up if he wants something, or if something bothers him.
Thank you. I did want advice, whether that advice be that I had to allow him the exact same rules or that it was all up to what made everyone involved comfortable. After being told that my advice was abstract and preachy, I'd have gone away...and River continued to press a viewpoint that was neither unhelpful nor welcome. I find that rude.
I agree that the view changes once one has seen the box, but it doesn't necessarily change drastically, nor does it need to continue to change. Yes, you know there's stuff in the box, but if you decide it isn't worth it, you can pretty well ignore it.
I like the 1/2 mile analogy, although I'd say I just don't want him running the same 1/2 mile I do. Maybe he goes north and I go east?