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Old 12-30-2012, 02:09 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 826

Well you don't have to say anything negative to your boyfriend, you could ask if he would mind ignoring his phone when you are on dates together, maybe have him ask her to call if there is an emergency? I don't think it's fair to label her as needy unless she's throwing a fit if he doesn't respond to each and every text. If he IS responding to each one, then it's him that you need to talk to about that & up to him to decide what he wants to do about the texting.

Is it too much to ask that she leave the house so that you and your bf can have dates there? No of course you (or hopefully her husband) can ask all you want, but that doesn't mean she is required to. Is there some reason you can't have dates at his place if she's doing her own thing in another room? I might gladly leave the house if I felt like it, but unless I've made an agreement to do that regularly, I surely don't feel obliged.

It sounds like she used to go out so you could have the house even after her last relationship ended. Did he asked her why she stopped going out or if she is willing to? It's really his job to ask for that if he wants it - she could've stopped going out because the weather got colder, or the people she used to hang out with got busier, or because he's not asking her so she doesn't know it's a problem? I don't know if you have friendly communication with her outside of group events, if so you can always ask her, but I'd suggest you do so assuming the best intentions on her part. It sounds like you may be shifting blame to her when the problem is that you and your bf have poor communication (it is totally possible to communicate a problem to a shared partner with nobody getting defensive - so maybe you should look closely at what you say to see if you are placing blame on her when you try to talk to him, or if he's just being defensive for no reason) and it's largely his job as the hinge to make things run smoothly if he can.

Basically from what you say your behavior seems like it could start getting passive aggressive due to your frustration unless you are already being so, your bf's seems passive (though you aren't clear if he is even aware there is a problem), and I can see you interpret his wife's as such too, but you don't seem to have any actual examples of her being passive aggressive, you just seem annoyed at her behavior being different than it used to be, and that it's affecting you. I'd suggest starting with the things you CAN control like asking HIM for what you want, and seeing if he can accommodate you.
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