Metamour's passive/aggressive behavior
Little background: I am the hinge in a V with my husband of 20+ years and BF who lives locally and is in a happy poly marriage as well. Both BF and I came to polyamory because our spouses really needed it to be happy. We found each other and are deliriously happy with our marriages and our relationship. We only get to see each other about once a week, with the occasional weekend together about every 6 weeks, and we make the best of it, texting daily. The four of us get along well enough to socialize in groups and as a foursome every once in a while.
Problem: BF’s wife and my husband do not currently have OSOs and since BF’s wife broke up with her boyfriend last spring, I feel that she is being a bit passive aggressive. Outwardly, she is super supportive of our relationship, but she has become a little needy recently, constantly texting him when we are together. Honestly, it pisses me off a little because I get to spend so little time with BF. I don’t feel like I can say anything to BF about it because he gets very defensive when anything remotely negative is said about her. My husband is very good. We talk on the phone while I am on my way to my date and then again when I’m on my way home. He only texts or calls if it is something really important. BF’s wife texts him whenever she thinks of something. Now, I know she has ADHD and it could be attributed to that, but I just get the feeling that she’s “pissing on her territory” sometimes and I’ve NEVER given her any reason to feel threatened. I have no intention of leaving my husband and running off with hers. I LOVE my poly life!
When we first started dating, she had an OSO and was really great and flexible. Even after they broke up, she would go out, often for the entire night so we could have a date night at their house. Now she has stopped doing that, we have had to resort to going to a hotel, which is costly. My husband gives us our house once or twice a month, is it too much to ask for her to do the same? I’m really frustrated