Originally Posted by MeeraReed
The word order in this sentence confused me, so I'm just clarifying it:
So when I came home it felt so strange not to be able to share with C the fact I'd been away with MrB, so I sent C a short email
Yes, of course. I knew it was a bit muddled when I wrote it but was too lazy to rewrite!
The last days of the year always have me a little pensive, and this year even more so. So, SO much has happened this past year. A year ago, I had just met MrBrown and thought he would become my BF, someone I would see often and regularly, who would become a part of my life. He did become a part of my life, in a very important way, but so different from what I was expecting in those last days of December 2011.
And last year, I had not even met C yet, and he is now the one who is my BF, a regular part of my life, who hangs out with me and Ren, who has met most of my friends. My toothbrush is in his bathroom and I know in which freezer drawer he keeps the bread. I love him, and yet the domesticity of our relationship is starting to make me itchy. And then I feel so ungrateful.
But then I look at my life and the path I'm taking, and I know I'm not ready yet. So much more to discover. So many more fears to overcome. And I'm not a bad person for wanting more connections.
The most important thing that happened to me this year was the shift from 'we' to 'I' that I talked about in this thread
. This journey is about me, and that may seem selfish, or sound arrogant or self centered. To me it sounds liberating.
Many years ago, Ren and I met on New Years Eve. This year there will be no parties, the two of us will stay at home, watching movies, drinking a really good bottle of champagne, eating some nice food, celebrating our love and our life together and honoring the way we have learned to let each other be an 'I' while we are also still very much a 'we'. I love him so much - he is my friend, my lover, he knows me inside out.
I am excited about the new year and the adventures it will bring. Have some new work projects I want to start, ideas, inspiration. Haven't felt that way about work in a long time. A date with Knight planned for January, some interesting developments on OKC, CuteBiGuy who is just waiting for me to tell him I want a date. Life is good.