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Old 12-29-2012, 09:27 PM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 656
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Some of my reaction to this may be down to my current grieving but I loathed that article.

Starts with the notion that positivity about sex and masturbation are something new - something that started with the internet? How odd - and I think misinformed. Anybody from about 35 onward grew up without the internet being a huge presence in their life. I reckon plenty of people from mid 30s on are positive about sex.

It goes on to blame sexual exclusivity for all the ills in relationships. Again, clearly not true. On this forum there are repeated stories of people in non-exclusive relationships who are finding things difficult or whos partner's are treating them less than well. That's without even going into all the ways that people can be dishonest and cheat that don't involve sex - gambling the house away, being a secret drinker or drug user, mugging old ladies, burgling houses, beating the dog up. People can lie to each other and cheat in all manner of ways that don't involve sex and I fail to understand how not being sexually exclusive will solve these things.

I don't know who told this author that people believe that any relationship works well just because of love. What bollocks. Relationships need time and effort spent on them. Just feeling love for another being will not be enough to create a lasting relationship - sexual or otherwise.

I dislike also the notion that sex necessarily declines after the first few months. Not in my experience. I reckon that mostly sex gets better as you get to know each other. It might need time and attention - but all relationships do and if sex is part of a relationship, it makes sense that it does too.

Few point out the obvious answer to the dilemma of monogamy and cheating sexually open relationships. Here, in an egalitarian manner, a couple reserves emotional fidelity, while structuring in rules for extra-dyadic, recreational sex.

The above quote from the article is especially offensive in my eyes. What a ridiculously controlling statement. Sharing sex with others is fine but sharing emotional closeness is something to be avoided? Yuck. Emotional fidelity is the one type I absolutely couldn't manage. I can quite happily go along reserving sex for myself and one other partner if it's appropriate.

I would feel very differently if being asked to avoid emotional closeness with anybody other than my partner.

I loathed that article and if I didn't know anything about polyamory, it would put me off completely.

IP

P.S. And I think it's sexist into the bargain.
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