Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
Ummm...I'm just wondering where all the other men are in this topic. My views of this level of detail are definitely much different and I am wondering if I am just a freak.
The only thing I really need to know is that Redpepper is intimate with someone. Outside of that "I don't want to know". With her tersiary I know they are sexually involved so I do not need to know when or what they do unless it could affect my health or hers. They have a sexual/BDSM relationship...that's all I need...no more please, not necessary and not interesting to me. Oddly enough we all had a great time at the BDSM event but I don't need to know about anything they do behind closed doors.
We've talked about this before and she knows that I prefer simply to know that they have a relationship that involves sexuality and have discussed how to avoid any unnecessary discomfort around it for me. And yes it is about me, I'll own that and am totally cool with it.
This thread has really been an enlightening one for me. And Mono, it seems you and I share some similiar perspectives on this topic. This is one I have been struggling with and I have feelings that my partner (M) is finding it difficult as to what to tell and what not to tell. I'm not sure if she believes me entirely when I tell her that I am open to learning about and participating in this type of a lifestyle. I am not entirely certain if she is involved with anyone else at this present moment. But if time tells me that she is or has been I can understand her difficulty in telling me due to confidence issues I have displayed in the past. This may sound a little selfish but part of the reason why I am so intrigued about being involved with a Poly woman is the fact that I can test some of these personal challenges I used to face when it comes to confidence. The bigger part of the reason is that I love her and everything about her (flaws and all). If something came to light and she tells me she's been with another man, I've had a lot of time to think about what my reaction would be. On one hand I want to commend her for facing her fears and telling me about it. (The details of which I dont need to be privy to)
But the who and why would most definitely be interesting to me. On the other hand I don't want to get angry about it but it is a frustrating feeling to feel like your significant other thinks you cant handle information. I'm not sure i believe in DADT entirely and that will vary from individual to individual. But being a Mono with a Poly woman, the only things that I would undoubtedly want to know are Who and possibly why(why they love this person) and if anything came up concerning her health, my health, or his health for that matter.
The biggest thing it seems is knowing how much information your partner wants to know, how much your willing to tell them, and trusting their response. Because, lets face it, if your with someone and your not willing to trust in their reaction and understanding. Then why are you with that person?
*Does anyone else agree with this? I wanna make sure Im not crazy* lol