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Old 12-29-2012, 07:47 PM
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River River is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UpsideDown View Post
...about how the life my husband and I have so far enjoyed is now, somehow, irrevocably, changed, and that our best shot is to become able to "champion one another in joyous celebreation" of our other (eventual) relationships.
I could have used a lot more care in how I expressed myself in that post, and I'm sorry for being unclear on many things related to the subject. Still, I think what I meant to say remains basically valid. I never meant to suggest that the relationship structure you're in must change. It may or may not. But I did mean to say that you can't undo the inquiry that has begun to unfold -- whether or not the two of you continue to talk about that inquiry. You might choose to drop the inquiry somewhat. But I wouldn't recommend that, because the inquiry is valuable whether or not you and your husband decide to open your relationship at some point. Especially valuable to consider, I think, is WHY you might be able and willing to love (romantically) another person besides your husband but the very thought of your husband doing so causes you great distress. So, yeah, I did suggest some advice, rather indirectly. I suggested keeping that inquiry alive and following it where it goes. That's my advice. And doing THAT doesn't require you to change your relationship from mono to poly (or any other kind of non-monogamy). I suppose the weakness of my post is that this advice was more implicit than explicit.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UpsideDown View Post
He offered no anecdote, statistic, advice, or functional theory other than "once you've taken a step down this road, you are on this road forever." Hogwash.
You're right. You can choose to stop the whole process, including the fruitful inquiry into the source or root of the above-mentioned distress. If it is advice you want, I'd advice against retreating from the inquiry.
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