When this all begin I did alot of reading on different poly sites. I was worried that my "secondary" would have her feelings discounted by my wife. She reassured me over and over that she wouldnt do that, but now says that she was simply saying that all this time because she thought that if she demanded I end it, that it would kill me. I never argued that with her, because honestly I knew it would.
Unfortunately for her there isnt a "what is best for all of us". She feels she is hurt to much to care at all what the other one feels at this point.
I do understand the reading the mind statement. While she told us for 8 months she was trying to be okay with it, she really never was. But no, i'm not a good mind reader. If you are going to feel one thing but say another, honestly I think you can't complain when things dont go your way. You can't expect someone to read your mind. You have to say what you need or want. Maybe in this case she didnt feel like she could say it because of exactly what happened, but it's better than living in a bubble.