Hi, I am new to this forum, and I come here out of the recommendation of a friend. I need advice on this because I feel like I am going crazy and have no one to talk to. I really love being married to my spouse, but I married someone younger than me. there is a a lot of pressure to smile and be the conquest. some friends of ours are exploring open relationships and it has come up several times in our conversations as well.
I came into my sexuality late in life, I was very shy and it wasn't until I failed at marriage that I took a younger lover to teach me that I was not broken. I have lived a great deal and awakened late to my sexuality ; meaning I did not discover myself until I was 29 years old and three kids later.
I have needs, adn even though I have broached this subject of opening things up a bit, I have been met with suspicion , invasion of my private thoughts and distrust. I feel like I am a terrible person to want more than what my spouse gives me. I really care for my spouse and am worried that something must be wrong with me to be so curious, and to want things no married person that is loyal and faithful should want. I recently found out that one of my best friends husband thinks I am very attractive. I know it is just because they are having a rough time , but it felt so good to hear. I am bursting at the seems I think there is a difference between love and lust. I deeply love my spouse and I feel ever so wicked inside that I even wonder about these things. Tht I am curious, and I feel utterly alone in them. I came here to learn about what ll this is about and I am scared of not knowing and the appetites I have inside of me. I do not understand them. I have a lot of responsibilities and cannot afford to make mistakes this time around, he is younger than I am my spouse and he has talked about open relationships , but I had to do it first , and then give him a threesome. I support his ideas I think they are worthy of exploration, but is it wrong that I want to express myself privately ? and is that wrong when you love someone but need even though there is no one to need? I am terrified inside and do not trust myself in my needs. They make me feel ashamed when I am treated so well most of the time to even want outside our marriage...am I alone? any advice?