View Single Post
  #8  
Old 12-29-2012, 04:07 AM
UpsideDown's Avatar
UpsideDown UpsideDown is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 61
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
You've already set sail, and you two can never return to the comfortable familiar as you've known it. This means you are -- together -- on a journey. You're neather here nor there, as it is a journey to elsewhere.
I'm going to disagree with you there, actually. While we may not be able to take back the knowledge and self-reflection we have thus-far learned, if CG decides that she does not want to pursue this in a manner in which we can all agree is acceptable, or if it starts and then ends, both he and I can go back to a closed relationship. That is, as of now, actually the plan.

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
It is a journey you must make together, in communication and honesty...It will likely have unpredictable and surprising turns. But it is the nature of a journey of this kind that it transforms the people taking the journey.
You seem to be overlooking the fact that DH has not expressed interest in establishing a new relationship for himself. He has, in fact, said specifically that he does not want that at this time, and may never want it. My self-analysis/reading/questioning is being done so that *should* it arise, I can give his desires a fair and adequate answer, and not pussy-foot about, acting like I've been gobsmacked.

Yes, it is our journey. Right now, it is one where I suss out my own feelings, reassure him that I still love him and am only in love with him and negotiate with CG where she allows. For him, it involves supporting my desire for a relationship that is friendship plus something else with CG, facing his own fears about what that means for our relationship, and coming to terms with what kind of physical and intimate boundaries he needs CG and I to have in order to be comfortable.

Quote:
Originally Posted by River View Post
You may surprise yourselves (or yourself?) to discover that what is apparently essential and unchangable now ... could radically transform. What wasn't okay might become far more than merely okay. It is possible that you might even celebrate one another as you each explore new loves. Rather than recoiling in fear, you may champion one another in joyous celebreation. Many things are possible. But you cannot know how it will turn out as you advance down the path. But it will be helpful to realize that how you feel now could turn upsidedown.
I may. I landed here, and that was both a surprise and something that turned my world upside down. It still is not without fear, however. At this moment I cannot wrap my head around "champion[ing him] in joyous celebration" as he pursues, woos and has sex with some other woman...and has he has not asked me to be supportive of that endeavor, I do not particularly have any desire to venture down the kind of path that might lead to "explor[ing] new loves" for him and a deep heartache for me.

Our marriage is essential. It is not unchangeable, as evidenced by my presence in this forum. However, as you are not so much answering my question as telling me that I too, one day, can become as evolved in my relationship views as as you...please let other people give me actual opinions or advice.
__________________
29, married to DH, the best guy in the world. 2 kids, dog, house with fence.
Developed a fast and accidental crush on then-best-friend, CG (cute-girl) and world fell apart after telling said girl. Came here for advice and info in case it became a thing. It didn't, but the friendship exploded. Turned world a bit upside-down, hence the moniker. ::sigh::
Reply With Quote