Originally Posted by River
Do the empathy exercise. Imagine a reversal of the situation. If at some point you were to ask for, or insist upon, the freedom to love who you wish to love while not offering the same freedom to your guy, yeah, that would hardly be fair.
Thanks for the other post. At this time, he has stated it is not something he wants, and I see that there are many on this board who remain utterly mono while their spouses do not. That may be where we end up. I rather hope it is.
Nonetheless, I know it is a possibility that he will become interested, and I don't want to have not considered this whole side if things if he does desire parity at some point. I've done the empathy exercise, and it has left me in tears. I've come away with what I am comfortable with, what I can see myself being comfortable with, and what shakes me to my core. That may or may not change, I suppose.
He, likewise, doesn't feel like he'd be comfortable with me falling in love with CG, nor with me becoming overtly and thoroughly her "lover" in a sexual sense. He's alright with my romantic feelings, our sporadic snuggling and three kisses, and has said that he's be supportive of it going somewhat farther than that physically, although he's got a pretty PG/PG13 line drawn there. Given that is way ahead of what I've thought of, and how hard I work to avoid seeing the woman naked, that suits me fine. That also, may or may not change.
Thing is, I didn't ask him for carte blanche and do not want to "date" in a broad sense. I just didn't have the protective wall up around that part of my romantic/sexual self because it had never been an issue and I hadn't thought to, and this came as a complete and utter shock (to both him, her and me). If and when the romantic/sexual part of this with CG (starts in earnest and then) ends, I don't particularly want to go out looking for women to date.
I'm just not sure what happens if I absolutely cannot, in good faith, be alright with him sleeping with someone else. Do the above concessions make it a compromise, or am I still being selfish and unfair.