That's why everyone was like "a foursome is a bad idea to start!". I didn't get it, but now I see how if that's not what my wife wants, I shouldn't be upset. I also just realized that polyamory is not always sexual, it can be romantic friendship or dating that never includes sex. When I realized this, I was really taken aback. How could I have been so short-sighted!
Swinging is a kind of open relationship. Not all open relationships are swinging. Minestrone is a kind of soup. Not all soups are gonna be minestrone.
Swinging and polyamory are both open model relationship styles. But they are not the same. Minestrone and clam chowder are both soups. But they are not the same.
You may also enjoy reading about love theory.
Not everyone subscribes to that, and there's other articles on it if you google, but it's interesting to take a gander at with a partner and see where they may be at. Sometimes looking at a picture together, even if totally wrong for both can help get conversation rolling easier than "staring at a blank page."
Take it slow. Take it easy. Read lots of things, spend time with yourself sorting your own wants, needs, and limits out.
Hopefully you can encourage wife to be doing same. Then you can create common language to communicate to each other and be on the same page in the talking and not be shutting down on one another.
Hang in there!