View Single Post
  #5  
Old 12-30-2009, 06:25 PM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by faraday View Post
I would say that in our group relationship it is VERY important that everyone can be family. Not everyone we have sex with, but anyone that my partners are going to be in a real relationship with I want to at very least like them and want to spend time with them.
OK, important question, here: is that what you feel the group should be, or is that what you have all agreed to it being? Because something here sounds like there are some differing opinions within your group, although I may be reading it wrongly.


Quote:
And there is nothing to dislike about her.
You say that, but can already find things you dislike about her - her self-deprecation for example. That is a valid feeling and one you shouldn't dismiss.

Do you feel that spending more time with her might help you get to know her better and help you decide more whether you are happy with her being in your group or not?

Quote:
My girlfriend really likes her, which is great, but I have the building fear that my girlfriend is going to ask if this other woman can live with us when we all move. I have expressed this fear to her and she hasnít really addressed it.
Then this is something that needs to be explicitly addressed, out of respect to the group dynamic - and this is the precise reason why I asked about whether the whole group has signed off on the "everyone can be family" thing or not.

Quote:
I donít think she is avoiding the topic it was just in a long conversation that was talking about lots of things. I should probably talk to her about it again.
I think that would be wise, and I think that you should make sure that you use whatever mechanisms you have in place in your relationship for signaling an issue that has to be addressed. Letting this build up does nobody any good in the long run.
__________________
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
http://www.thebirdcage.org/

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote