I would say that in our group relationship it is VERY important that everyone can be family. Not everyone we have sex with, but anyone that my partners are going to be in a real relationship with I want to at very least like them and want to spend time with them.
I guess getting the base of the problem is what is throwing me for a loop. Normally I’m good at finding the cause of my issues. It always takes time to deal with them but I can normally identify what they are pretty well and I just feel lost as to why this woman is so hard for me to deal with.
I know that the anger is fear. But I don’t know what of. I mean I deal with fear anytime one of my partners starts dating or becoming attached to someone new but it doesn’t normally cause me to actively dislike the new person.
And there is nothing to dislike about her. She is nice, attractive, smart and friendly. I don’t worry about her intentions. But I find myself picking on her for little things. Like she calls herself dumb (when she is in the top of her class in a very hard master’s degree program) or says she can’t play violin well and then picks one up and plays beautifully. People do that shit all the time but when she does it drives me nuts.
She is on the other side of the country at the moment or I would be hanging out with her more. I have only really spent a few hours around her because of the distance. But I really expected to like her and I didn’t.
I’ve been clear about it with my partners. My girlfriend is being clear about where she thinks the relationship is going and my boyfriend is supportive but he doesn’t feel the same way. Which I guess is good. My girlfriend really likes her, which is great, but I have the building fear that my girlfriend is going to ask if this other woman can live with us when we all move. I have expressed this fear to her and she hasn’t really addressed it. I don’t think she is avoiding the topic it was just in a long conversation that was talking about lots of things. I should probably talk to her about it again.